Exercise in semantics 47

"Between the two of us, it will always be you who can walk away any time and leave unscathed. I will always be left wanting and hurting. I can't let you have that power over me."

"We are more alike than you think, then. I walk away precisely because you have power over me. It takes every ounce of my strength to pull back every time we get too close."

"No, we are not alike. I will gladly accept the hurt if I know at the end of the day you will share it with me. You, on the other hand, won't even take the next step to know how wonderful we can be together."

Exercise in semantics 46

You surprised me. Now I am bothered. Part of me is itching to reply to you (failed in the Marshmallow test), but almost all of me is saying that there is no point. Ignore. Delete. Walk away. There is no sense in acknowledging his email. NO SENSE.

I wish I could tell my meta to shut it, but it keeps spouting rubbish that I want to reply to him. But out of all the things I want to say, "I miss you" is the one thing I am dying to say.

I hate you.

Exercise in semantics 45

I finally had the courage to block you. Do I feel happy about it? No. But like what you said, "cut the part that hurts." So I am cutting you. Will power, please do not fail me.

I did not mean to like you. Seriously. I was caught off guard. Why did I mess the pretty nonsensical, platonic online friendship we had by liking you?


We were never friends, anyway. Shouldn't be hard to move on, right?

So, to you, goodbye.

Exercise in semantics 44

Just because a boy is interesting to talk to online doesn't mean you should be putting your heart on the line. Do not be insane.

Weren't you in this kind of situation years ago?

And why am I even writing this down?

GO AWAY. SHOOOOO!

Exercise in semantics 43

Sometimes it has to be said before it becomes clear. So, thank you...for saying it without being quite blunt. We are not friends.  We never were. We can't be friends.

So this is my little tribute to someone I wanted to be friends with. I hope you find a friend that will bring you back from the dead, someone not me.

Exercise in semantics 42

I cannot trust myself to be near you. Not because I still feel the same way, but mostly because I cannot fool myself into thinking I feel absolutely nothing for you.

I hate lying to myself.

Exercise in semantics 41

Not everyone is worth the ache in your chest, the frown on your face, and the brimming tears in your eyes. Guard your heart.

Exercise in semantics 40

Darating yung panahon na makakasalubong kita at magdadalwang isip ako kung babatiin kita. Pero ikaw na ang gagawa ng paraan, tatawagin ang pangalan ko at lalapit.

Ngingiti lang ako at magsasabi ng dahilan para makaalis agad. Baka kasi pag nakausap at natitigan kita, lahat ng ginawa ko para makalimutan ka mabalewala at magmaakwa ulit na mahalin ako.

~ July 7, 2011

Exercise in semantics 39

Things you can't have are always infinitely appealing over those that you can.

Exercise in semantics 38

Indifference is probably the worst emotion you can have towards a person. It is existing without acknowledging that person ever again.

Exercise in semantics 37

I do not want to ask, "when will it be my turn? when will someone love me?" because in other aspects of my life I am blessed. So why isn't it enough? Why do I have this aching yearning to be loved romantically and passionately? Why can't this feeling go away?

Am I doomed to be alone and perpetually lonely?

Exercise in semantics 36

20 years from now, I will still wonder what life could have been like if you gave me a chance. Would life be sweeter? better? bitter? We will never now.

Exercise in semantics 35

At the end of the day, all I need is a warm, tight hug that tells me everything is gonna work out just fine.

Exercise in semantics 34

Sometimes, you need to cut off people from your life in order to move on and grow. There is no use in holding on to something that could be. If it was meant to work out in the first place, it would have. Stop extending the shelf life of an expired good.